blog.

Am I a drug dealer or a freelancer?

A lot of people think I deal drugs. I don’t, of course. I deal words. But, the idea that someone can make money on their laptop writing anything other than “books” is a foreign concept to most. Here is a slightly over-dramatized version of the conversation I am used to having with strangers. 

Stranger: “The names Lana… what’s your name?”

Me: “Cole.”

Lana: “What do you do for a living.”

Cole: “I am a writer.”

Lana: “Cool. What books have you written?”

Cole: “I’m not really that kind of writer…”

Lana: “What kind of writer are you then…?”

Cole: “I'm like a freelance writer.”

Lana: “Oh. My uncle is a freelancer. He’s 55-years-old and still lives in my grandma’s basement.”

Cole: “Wow, hold on. I actually make a living as a freelancer. Like, I’m not really even a freelancer. More of an entrepreneur.”

Lana: “Don’t call yourself an entrepreneur. That’s so arrogant.”

Cole: “God. You’re right. I’m sorry…”

Lana: “It's okay. But, seriously. What do you do?”

Cole: “I told you. I am a freelance writer. Well, I guess a copywriter to be more specific.”

Lana: “Oh. So you do like Law-stuff? That’s kind of boring.”

Cole: “No. Actually, not at all. That’s not what a copywriter is. I basically write pretty words and sell things for a living.”

Lana: “That doesn’t make much sense.”

Cole: “I know.”

Lana: “You’re lying.”

Cole: “No I am not." 

Lana: “What do you really do?”

Cole: “I already told––never mind–– I’m basically in marketing.”

Lana: “Liar. You’re a drug dealer. Aren’t you?”

Cole: “What––how the f*** did you get that out of everything I just said?”

Lana: “What are you selling? I’ll take three.”

Cole: “I’m not a drug dealer, Lana."

Lana: “I don’t believe you.”

Cole: “I’m not.”

Lana: “Well, could you give me some marketing tips on how to sell more of my drugs then? Freelancer.“

Cole: "Absolutely not. And, don't say "freelancer" in such a snide tone."

Lana: "Sorry... I'm just gonna join your email list and get all your marketing tips for free."

Cole: "Go ahead."

Lana: "Ha. Jokes on you. Since I will be applying your marketing tactics to selling drugs. You're kind of a drug dealer now." 

Cole: "Dammit." 

~End~

By Cole Schafer.


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Cole Schafer