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What is pillow talk? And, the science behind why it feels so damn good.

Most of my pillow talk, these days, happens miles away in a far away place beside a pretty human with a gorgeous brain.

I will tell you the story, sometime.

But, that sometime isn’t today. We will be much too busy, after all, answering a lovely question –– what is pillow talk?

And, more importantly, just why it feels so damn good. Let’s jump right in, shall we?

What is pillow talk?

Pillow talk is an intimate, often times deep, conversation that takes places between two humans after sex, love-making, fucking, whatever your verbiage of choice is.

While sex is by no means necessary to engage in pillow talk, I personally think that it heightens the conversation and overall experience due to the hormones and chemicals our bodies release during the act.

We will touch on that, in great detail, here momentarily.

While I am not entirely sure who coined the term, it’s sexiest and most iconic use was by the American singer-songwriter, Sylvia Robinson, in her 1973 song, “Pillow Talk".

In the words of Ian Holbrook, the music mastermind behind The Backbeat

The song fucks.

In Pillow Talk, Sylvia’s writing depicts the bewitching power of a woman’s pillow talk in simple prose…

“What your friends all say is fine, but it can’t compete with this pillow talk of mine…”

I’d bet my ass it can’t, Sylvia.

While just recently it seems the term pillow talk has made a resurgence in pop-culture, it in many ways is a dying romance.

Between Netflix’s practically endless list of hit series like Stranger Things and our phone’s numerous distractions (I am looking at you Instagram)… couples don’t seem to be windowing out time for good old fashioned pillow talk, post-love-making.

And, it’s breaking this romantic’s heart. But, I have hope and I can sell like hell with words (I do it for a living over here). So, I am hopeful that by the end of this article, I can sell you on why you should be making time for pillow talk.

Now, let’s talk about the history and the science…

Why pillow talk feels so damn good.

While today we sleep in 6 - 8 hour increments, once upon a time humans slept in two four hour chunks.

They would fall asleep a few hours after dusk. Sleep for four hours. Wake up. Spend a couple hours writing, reading, smoking tobacco and visiting with neighbors. Then, they would go back to bed and polish off their second four-hour chunk of sleep.

Now, here is where things get interesting.

Couples would often times have sex and spend intimate time together (aka pillow talk) during this “waking period” in the middle of the night.

So, even though it hasn’t always been referred to as “pillow talk” it seems humans have always been drawn to not just love-making but the intimate time spent together post-love-making.

Let’s scrap the history, though. I understand the connection between the “waking period” and “pillow talk” might be a bit ambiguous. If we look to science, the evidence is glaringly obvious.

Earlier, I mentioned that pillow talk is best-practiced post-love-making.

Allow me to argue why this is…

When we have sex our brains produce a lovely little hormone called Oxytocin (not to be confused with Oxycodone).

While we are just beginning to understand the full range of benefits Oxytocin has on our bodies and minds, what we do know is that it works as a natural sedative and bonding hormone that together act as a mental and emotional glue between two people (this is why “casual sex” can be so wildly difficult).

Besides when just strictly having sex, women will produce Oxytocin during childbirth and breastfeeding, which is kind of badass when you think about it.

To me, it feels like nature’s way of telling her brain… hey, this is your fucking human now, take care of it.

In addition to both Oxytocin, our brains also produce dopamine and norepinephrine during intimacy, two chemicals that make us feel both giddy and even euphoric. So, when we combine all of these little love drugs together, we create the perfect concoction for lovely conversation in bed.

Both your guards are down.

The two of you feel closer.

The two of you feel euphoric.

The two of you feel calm.

The two of you pillow talk.

While not in all cases, when I noticed in the past that I have lost a connection with a partner and when my friends have done so, there seems to be a common factor…

Not necessarily less sex, but less pillow talk after sex.

Early on in the relationship, two people come together and have the time, patience and interest to spend an hour or so making love, cuddling, snuggling, nuzzling, talking, bonding and lying around naked.

These acts of pillow talk aren’t just making us closer on an emotional level but they are literally acting as a drug that creates a stronger bond in our brains to that person.

As humans, it’s easy to forget that it’s not just our hearts that are connected to our humans but our brains, too. Studies that have done brain scans of people in love have shown the reward centers of the brain lighting up like the fucking 4th of July when they’re shown a photo of someone they are intensely attracted to.

Pillow talk, in many ways, is a drug all of us need, regularly.

But, I digress.

By Cole Schafer.


If you think this article fucks, then we should keep doing whatever this is. I don’t want to move too fast. Like, I’m cool with taking things slow. Unless, you don’t want to? Oh, fuck it, what’s your email?


Cole Schafer