Am I a drug dealer or a freelancer?

A lot of people think I deal drugs. I don’t, of course. I deal words. But, the idea that someone can make money on their laptop writing anything other than “books” is a foreign concept to most. Here is a slightly over-dramatized version of the conversation I am used to having with strangers. 

Stranger: “The names Lana… what’s your name?”

Me: “Cole.”

Lana: “What do you do for a living.”

Cole: “I am a writer.”

Lana: “Cool. What books have you written?”

Cole: “I’m not really that kind of writer…”

Lana: “What kind of writer are you then…?”

Cole: “I'm like a freelance writer.”

Lana: “Oh. My uncle is a freelancer. He’s 55-years-old and still lives in my grandma’s basement.”

Cole: “Wow, hold on. I actually make a living as a freelancer. Like, I’m not really even a freelancer. More of an entrepreneur.”

Lana: “Don’t call yourself an entrepreneur. That’s so arrogant.”

Cole: “God. You’re right. I’m sorry…”

Lana: “It's okay. But, seriously. What do you do?”

Cole: “I told you. I am a freelance writer. Well, I guess a copywriter to be more specific.”

Lana: “Oh. So you do like Law-stuff? That’s kind of boring.”

Cole: “No. Actually, not at all. That’s not what a copywriter is. I basically write pretty words and sell things for a living.”

Lana: “That doesn’t make much sense.”

Cole: “I know.”

Lana: “You’re lying.”

Cole: “No I am not." 

Lana: “What do you really do?”

Cole: “I already told––never mind–– I’m basically in marketing.”

Lana: “Liar. You’re a drug dealer. Aren’t you?”

Cole: “What––how the f*** did you get that out of everything I just said?”

Lana: “What are you selling? I’ll take three.”

Cole: “I’m not a drug dealer, Lana."

Lana: “I don’t believe you.”

Cole: “I’m not.”

Lana: “Well, could you give me some marketing tips on how to sell more of my drugs then? Freelancer.“

Cole: "Absolutely not. And, don't say "freelancer" in such a snide tone."

Lana: "Sorry... I'm just gonna join your email list and get all your marketing tips for free."

Cole: "Go ahead."

Lana: "Ha. Jokes on you. Since I will be applying your marketing tactics to selling drugs. You're kind of a drug dealer now." 

Cole: "Dammit." 


By Cole Schafer.

P.S. If you liked this post, you can get more like it straight to your inbox by subscribing for free on the other side of this pretty red link.

Cole Schafer