A lot of people think I deal drugs. I don’t, of course. I deal words. But, the idea that someone can make money on their laptop writing anything other than “books” is a foreign concept to most. Here is a slightly over-dramatized version of the conversation I am used to having with strangers.
Stranger: “The names Lana… what’s your name?”
Lana: “What do you do for a living.”
Cole: “I am a writer.”
Lana: “Cool. What books have you written?”
Cole: “I’m not really that kind of writer…”
Lana: “What kind of writer are you then…?”
Cole: “I'm like a freelance writer.”
Lana: “Oh. My uncle is a freelancer. He’s 55-years-old and still lives in my grandma’s basement.”
Cole: “Wow, hold on. I actually make a living as a freelancer. Like, I’m not really even a freelancer. More of an entrepreneur.”
Lana: “Don’t call yourself an entrepreneur. That’s so arrogant.”
Cole: “God. You’re right. I’m sorry…”
Lana: “It's okay. But, seriously. What do you do?”
Cole: “I told you. I am a freelance writer. Well, I guess a copywriter to be more specific.”
Lana: “Oh. So you do like Law-stuff? That’s kind of boring.”
Cole: “No. Actually, not at all. That’s not what a copywriter is. I basically write pretty words and sell things for a living.”
Lana: “That doesn’t make much sense.”
Cole: “I know.”
Lana: “You’re lying.”
Cole: “No I am not."
Lana: “What do you really do?”
Cole: “I already told––never mind–– I’m basically in marketing.”
Lana: “Liar. You’re a drug dealer. Aren’t you?”
Cole: “What––how the f*** did you get that out of everything I just said?”
Lana: “What are you selling? I’ll take three.”
Cole: “I’m not a drug dealer, Lana."
Lana: “I don’t believe you.”
Cole: “I’m not.”
Lana: “Well, could you give me some marketing tips on how to sell more of my drugs then? Freelancer.“
Cole: "Absolutely not. And, don't say "freelancer" in such a snide tone."
Lana: "Sorry... I'm just gonna join your email list and get all your marketing tips for free."
Cole: "Go ahead."
Lana: "Ha. Jokes on you. Since I will be applying your marketing tactics to selling drugs. You're kind of a drug dealer now."
By Cole Schafer.